on unconditional love

One of the reasons I stay subscribed to Variable West is because of their reflection questions at the end of every new artist tagline. One in particular was, “What are you able to do when you receive unconditional love and acceptance?”

I have only ever experienced unconditional love from my family. As much as we seek love from others in our friendships and relationships, I am of the opinion that there is no unconditional love. This may just be an unfortunate side effect of never having been in a relationship, but even from what I can see, all love has conditions. Whether that be conditions of the setting: right time, right place, right person; or conditions of the person: in this haircut, in this wardrobe, in this age; or boundaries set by the relationships: monogamy, drug use, etc; there are conditions and requirements that we must fulfill.

I think, when I receive unconditional love and acceptance, I feel comfort. In that comfort, I feel okay to express myself widely, in many parts of myself. I’m often told that I’m a bundle of energy, or that I’m excitable and generous, but I think I am just as often tepid and selfish. When I’m with my family and I find that unconditional love, I feel more okay being for myself.

To put this into a situation, I find myself often acting a certain way to achieve a certain validation. In my head, who I want to be is someone who is lovable, generous, kind, and warm. But that is tiring and exhausting to keep up for too long. When I’m with family, I’m far more calm, metered, and aware of my own boundaries. When I have that unconditional love, I feel more okay giving that love back to myself.

That’s what I find so interesting about this question. (I’m a Leo) Leos are known through astrology to be generous, nearly to a fault. It’s interesting that all of this, really leads back to me wanting to be more generous to myself.